Chapter 13 - HELGA REFUSED THE ENVELOPE AGAIN.
Alexander placed the envelope on Helga's kitchen table.
Helga looked at it.
Then at him.
Then back at it.
"No."
Alexander pulled out a chair.
"We've done this."
"Apparently not successfully."
"It's yours."
"It is not."
"I owe you."
"You owe me better judgment."
"Can I pay that in euros?"
Helga's mouth twitched.
"Terrible exchange rate."
He smiled.
She didn't touch the envelope.
Alexander sat.
"Bianca admitted she knew exactly why the coat bothered you."
Helga's expression changed slightly.
"What did she say?"
"That she was embarrassed."
Helga nodded.
"Good."
Alexander frowned.
"Good?"
"Honesty is useful."
"She was embarrassed that you looked like someone who cleaned houses."
"I was someone who cleaned houses."
"I know."
Helga sat across from him.
Alexander's eyes dropped.
"What?"
"You keep saying I know."
"I do."
"No."
Helga leaned forward.
"You know the sentence. I'm not sure you know the thing."
"What thing?"
"What the work was."
Alexander looked at her hands.
Age had changed them.
Fine veins.
Thin skin.
A small pale mark near one thumb.
He remembered those hands younger.
Dry from chemicals.
Nails cut short.
Sometimes cracked in winter.
Helga noticed his stare.
"Bleach."
He looked up.
She touched the pale mark.
"Not dramatic."
She smiled.
"Just stupid. I was rushing."
Alexander looked sick.
Helga rolled her eyes.
"Don't turn a scar into a documentary."
He laughed despite himself.
She continued.
"I cleaned because it paid."
"I know."
"There."
She pointed at him.
"Again."
Alexander smiled faintly.
Helga leaned back.
"It paid more than some jobs. Less than others. Some people treated me beautifully. Some didn't. Ewald wasn't the worst."
"That's a low bar."
"It is."
"Did he pay you late?"
Helga laughed.
"Who told you?"
"He did."
"Then he's improving."
Alexander stared.
"How often?"
"Sometimes."
"Mom."
"Alexander."
"He had that house."
"Yes."
"And couldn't pay you on time?"
"He could."
That answer changed the room.
Alexander looked away.
Helga understood his anger.
"Don't make every old insult your emergency."
"He could pay."
"Yes."
"Then why didn't he?"
"Because people delay bills when the person waiting has less power."
Alexander looked at the envelope.
The class conflict was suddenly not theoretical.
A wealthy man had once delayed wages to a cleaner because the cleaner could not inconvenience him.
Years later, that same man had clutched Alexander's cash to his chest before verifying it was his.
Helga watched the conclusion settle.
"Ewald was never cruel to me," she said.
"That almost makes it worse."
"No."
She shook her head.
"It makes it ordinary."
Alexander looked at her.
"Ordinary things can be worse."
"Sometimes."
He pushed the envelope toward her.
Helga pushed it back.
"Why won't you take it?"
"Because right now every bill in that envelope feels dirty."
"It's not."
"It is to me."
"Bianca doesn't get to decide that."
"Neither do you."
Alexander sat back.
Helga softened.
"Listen."
He did.
"You wanted to repay me."
"Yes."
"Good."
"You deserve it."
"Careful."
"What?"
"Don't turn love into wages."
He frowned.
Helga continued.
"I helped you because I was your mother."
"I still want to repay you."
"Then do it later."
"When?"
"When you can hand me money without also trying to prove something to Bianca."
Alexander stared.
That was exactly what he had been doing.
He had not realized it.
Giving Helga the envelope now would feel like a declaration.
A flag planted on one side.
Helga did not want to become a weapon in his relationship.
He pulled the envelope back.
"Fine."
She smiled.
"Good."
"You're impossible."
"I've had practice."
Alexander put the envelope beside his phone.
Then he told her about Bianca's last sentence.
My father told me something about that money.
Helga listened.
"What do you think Ewald told her?" he asked.
"I don't know."
"Do you believe her?"
"I believe she said he told her something."
"That's not what I asked."
"It's what I know."
Alexander sighed.
Helga smiled.
"You hate uncertainty."
"I hate everyone suddenly becoming precise when it benefits them."
"That's family."
He laughed.
Then Helga became serious.
"Do not chase a mystery just because it helps you avoid the obvious problem."
"What obvious problem?"
"Bianca humiliated me."
"I know."
"You failed to notice smaller versions before that."
His face tightened.
"I know."
"And Ewald was willing to accept your money without hearing the decision from you."
"I know."
"Those are enough problems for one week."
Alexander looked at his mother.
"How are you so calm?"
"I'm not."
"You look calm."
"That's different."
Helga stood.
She opened a cabinet.
Pulled down a mug.
Then put it back because she had forgotten why she opened the cabinet.
Alexander noticed.
She noticed him noticing.
"See?"
He smiled sadly.
Helga leaned against the counter.
"I am angry."
"At Bianca?"
"Yes."
"At Ewald?"
"Some."
"At me?"
She looked at him.
"Most painfully."
He nodded.
There was no anger in his response.
Just acceptance.
"Fair."
"No."
Helga shook her head.
"Pain isn't accounting."
Alexander waited.
She continued.
"I don't want you punished."
"Then what do you want?"
Helga thought.
"I want the next time somebody makes me small in front of you to feel expensive."
Alexander frowned.
"What does that mean?"
"It means I want them to lose access to your silence."
That landed harder than shouting would have.
Alexander looked down.
Helga walked back to the table.
She touched the recorder.
"Bianca asked whether I would share this."
"Yes."
"I won't."
He looked surprised.
"Why?"
"Because humiliation isn't improved by adding an audience."
Alexander nodded slowly.
"Thank you."
"I'm not doing it for her."
"I know."
Helga looked at him.
"Tell her."
"I will."
He stood.
Then Helga said, "Alexander."
He turned.
"If she apologizes, don't pressure me to forgive her."
"I won't."
"If she doesn't apologize, don't pressure me to understand her."
"I won't."
"And whatever happens between you and Bianca—"
"I know."
"No."
Helga gave him a sharp look.
"You keep saying that."
He smiled despite himself.
"Sorry."
"Whatever happens, it is your decision."
Alexander nodded.
This time he didn't say I know.
His phone rang.
Ewald.
Helga looked at the screen.
"Popular man."
Alexander answered.
Ewald did not bother with hello.
"Did Bianca tell you what I supposedly said?"
Alexander frowned.
"Supposedly?"
"Because whatever she's telling you, I want to hear it from her mouth."
Alexander looked at Helga.
May you like
Ewald continued.
"And before you believe her, ask why she knew about your mother's envelope a full week before you withdrew the money."
