Chapter 16 - BEHIND ME.
Emily could not stop hearing the phrase.
She was behind me.
Not beside me.
Not inside.
Not safe.
Behind.
Ryan tried to explain it.
"I didn't mean literally."
Emily stared.
"What other meaning does behind have?"
"I meant you had been behind me."
"You knew that?"
"Before I went out."
"Then when you climbed out?"
Ryan rubbed his forehead.
"I don't know."
"You told Mr. Harris I was behind you."
"I was disoriented."
"You keep using that word like it erases whatever sentence comes after it."
Ryan's face tightened.
"It explains it."
"It explains panic."
"Yes."
"It doesn't explain why you spent hours saying I was near the church."
Ryan looked away.
Emily continued.
"Because 'near the church' sounds better than 'behind me.'"
His silence answered.
Frank stood several feet away.
He had finally put on the oversized church sweatshirt Linda gave him.
His wet trousers clung to his legs.
Mud streaked one calf.
Ryan glanced at him.
Emily snapped:
"Don't."
Ryan turned back.
"What?"
"Don't check Dad's face before you answer me."
"I wasn't."
"You were."
Ryan laughed hollowly.
"Now every time I look anywhere, it's evidence."
"No."
Emily stepped closer.
"It's a habit."
"What habit?"
"Checking how you're being seen."
Ryan's eyes flashed.
"Everybody checks."
"Not like you."
"Because I have a career where reputation matters."
There.
Class again.
Frank looked down.
Emily heard the implied comparison.
Your father can afford not to care.
Ryan realized.
"That came out wrong."
Frank gave a dry laugh.
"Running theme."
"Dad."
Frank raised his hands.
"I'm quiet."
Ryan looked at him.
"You're not."
Frank's expression changed.
"What'd I say?"
"You don't have to say anything."
Emily nearly shouted.
"Then stop blaming him for things you're hearing in your own head."
Ryan flinched.
The crowd under the canopy had thinned.
Some families were leaving.
Others waited.
The storm was becoming aftermath.
That made every conversation sharper.
No rain roar to hide behind.
Ryan lowered his voice.
"I don't know what you want from me."
Emily looked at Sophie.
"I wanted the truth."
"I gave it."
"Eventually."
"I was ashamed."
That stopped her.
Ryan's face crumpled slightly.
"I was ashamed."
Emily waited.
"I got out," he said. "And I didn't turn around fast enough. Maybe I turned once. Maybe I looked at the car. I don't know. People grabbed me. I couldn't breathe. My brain was... blank."
He pressed his fingers to his temples.
"I knew you were somewhere behind me."
Emily's eyes filled.
Ryan continued.
"I knew Sophie was with you because you'd been holding her."
"Okay."
"I didn't ask."
The words fell hard.
Frank's head lifted.
Ryan looked at Emily.
"I didn't ask."
She nodded.
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
Ryan breathed.
"I didn't ask."
He repeated it as if repetition might finally make the sentence real enough to own.
Emily's anger shifted again.
She believed him.
That was the tragedy.
It would have been easier if he lied now.
Instead he finally stopped running from it.
Ryan looked at Sophie.
"Does that make me a bad father?"
Emily closed her eyes briefly.
"I don't know."
His face changed.
He had expected comfort.
She had none to give.
"Do you think I would leave her on purpose?"
"No."
Relief.
"But I think you left before you knew she was safe."
The relief vanished.
Frank's jaw set.
Ryan looked at him.
This time he didn't accuse him.
He looked back at Emily.
"Yes."
There.
Again.
Truth staying still.
Emily breathed.
Sophie moved against her.
Ryan held out a finger.
The baby's tiny hand closed around it.
Ryan began crying.
No sound.
Just tears.
Frank turned away.
That small act mattered.
He gave Ryan privacy.
Even angry.
Even soaked.
Even after everything.
Emily saw it.
Ryan did too.
After a minute, Ryan wiped his face.
"I'm going to fix this."
Emily's stomach tightened.
"Don't say that."
"Why?"
"Because you can't fix today."
"I can be better."
"Maybe."
"I will."
"Maybe."
Ryan looked hurt.
Emily continued.
"I don't want promises because you're scared I'll leave."
His face went still.
"Are you?"
She looked at Frank's truck waiting somewhere beyond the hill.
Then at Ryan's parents' vehicle.
Two roads.
Two houses.
Two versions of tonight.
"I don't know."
Ryan nodded.
This time he did not argue.
That gave Emily more hope than any apology had.
Then Carol approached.
"Road is clear."
Ryan looked at her.
"Okay."
Carol turned to Emily.
"You can still come with us."
Emily shook her head.
"Thank you."
Carol looked like she wanted to argue.
Ryan's father touched her arm.
She stopped.
That surprised Emily.
Carol nodded.
"Okay."
No guilt.
No speech.
Just okay.
Emily felt grateful.
Ryan's father looked at Frank.
"Need help getting your truck?"
Frank shook his head.
"Can walk up."
"I'll go with you."
Frank hesitated.
Then nodded.
The two older men left together.
Emily watched.
Ryan said softly:
"My dad likes him."
Emily looked at him.
"Does that bother you?"
"No."
Pause.
"Maybe."
She almost smiled.
"Why?"
Ryan looked embarrassed.
"Because Dad doesn't respect many people."
Emily nodded.
"Neither does mine."
Ryan laughed softly.
A real laugh.
It hurt.
They stood in silence.
Linda began stacking chairs.
The same chairs from earlier.
Emily looked at them.
One chair had a small piece of tape underneath.
FRANK.
Linda had written it after moving it for him so nobody would take it.
Emily felt tears return.
Not because of the chair.
Because somebody had noticed.
Ryan followed her gaze.
"What?"
She pointed.
He saw the tape.
His face changed.
"What is that?"
"Linda saved Dad a chair."
Ryan stared.
"Why?"
Emily looked at him.
"Because no one else did."
He swallowed.
"You really remember all this stuff."
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I did."
Ryan's face fell.
Emily continued.
"You just kept telling me it wasn't a big deal."
He looked at the tape again.
Then toward the muddy car seat.
Two objects.
A chair.
A car seat.
Neither expensive.
Both suddenly heavier than his ruined SUV.
Ryan walked toward the chair.
He bent.
Pulled the tape free.
Then held it.
Emily watched.
"What are you doing?"
He looked at the handwritten name.
"Remembering."
She didn't know what to say.
Ryan put the tape in his pocket.
Not theatrically.
Almost embarrassed.
Emily looked at him.
For a second, she wondered whether they could survive this.
Then Frank returned through the side entrance.
His expression had changed.
Not angry.
Alarmed.
Emily stood.
"What?"
Frank looked at Ryan.
Then at Emily.
"Your truck's blocked in."
Ryan frowned.
"So?"
Frank glanced toward the south side.
"Only way to get out is past the lower entrance."
Emily tightened her hold on Sophie.
"Is it safe?"
Frank nodded.
"On foot."
Ryan's face changed.
"We're walking through water?"
Frank looked at him.
"Shallow now."
Carol said, "We'll drive around."
Emergency crews shouted that the north road was closing again due debris.
Everyone stopped.
Frank looked toward the exit.
"We need to move now."
Emily pulled Sophie’s dry blanket tight.
Ryan reached for the diaper bag.
Frank picked up nothing.
May you like
The muddy car seat remained near the entrance.
And the final walk out of Riverside Community Church began.
